Das Schweigen der Lämmer

Ich habe seit einer traumatischen Erfahrung in meiner Kindheit Angst vor Schafen. Dies offenbare ich euch allerdings gerade auch nur, damit mein Titel für diesen Artikel Sinn ergibt. Denn auch wenn ich Angst vor Schafen habe, schweigen diese Lämmer, Hammel und Pulloverschweine gerade in meinem Kopf und sind einer neuen Angst – oder nenne ich es lieber Psychose – gewichen. Ich habe ein echtes Problem mit meinen Mitmenschen. Nicht der Virus, der die Welt gerade in Atem hält, oder besser noch… ihr den Atem raubt, sondern die Menschen da draußen vor meiner Türe machen mir Angst. Eine irrationale, übertriebene Angst. Das weiß ich und dennoch kann ich mich dieser nicht erwehren. Daher habe ich in den letzten 10 Wochen oder so nur einmal zur Infusion meinen Fuß vor die Türe gesetzt und genieße seitdem die Ruhe in meinen eigenen vier Wänden. Doch hier entsteht gerade das eigentliche Problem, weswegen ich diesen Artikel schreibe. Denn nicht nur die Lämmer schweigen, sondern auch ich vergrabe mich ganz tief in einer Welt aus Schweigen. Kein Twitter, kein Whatsapp, kein Facebook. Alles wird um mich herum still, bzw. werde ich dort still. Der Grund ist, dass dieser Idealzustand für einen Autisten, diesem Autisten gerade zu schaffen macht. Ich bekomme Lagerkoller.

Ich hatte mir soviel vorgenommen. Nach der #1Kaffee1Stadt Tour nach Berlin im letzten Sommer, wollte ich diese Touren nun irgendwann doch mal fortsetzen. Immer vorausgesetzt, dass ich es gesundheitlich schaffe, aber ich wollte es probieren. Für mich. Als kleine Therapie für meine Seele, aber auch meinen Körper. Vielleicht nochmals nach Berlin, vielleicht eine kleine Tour in den Süden. Twittertreffen besuchen, mich sozial mal etwas öffnen. Und nun? Corona macht mir einen gewaltigen Strich durch die Rechnung und ich fühle mich behinderter, bewegungsloser und nutzloser, als jemals zuvor. Ein gefundenes Fressen für meine Depression. Ich streite ab, dass ich in eine Depression schlittere, vielleicht weil ich so froh bin, wie gut mein neues Antidepressivum wirkt. Vielleicht will ich es mir nicht eingestehen, aber um ehrlich zu sein: Ich bin vollends in eine Depression gestürzt. Mein BulletJournal hat es mir verraten… das Nachhalten meiner Stimmung zeigt nun ein ziemlich deutliches Bild.

Das große Problem bei dieser Depression ist, dass ich abrupt still werde. Ich möchte niemandem zur Last fallen, keinen mit in diese Stimmung ziehen. Will nichts falsch machen, weiß aber auch nicht, wie ich es richtig machen kann. Es tut Menschen weh – ich tue Menschen weh. Ich schaue nicht in meine Nachrichten, damit ich nicht in die Verlegenheit kommen muss, antworten zu müssen. Ich bleibe stumm.

Aber ich schreibe doch gerade an meinem Blog, also kann es ja nicht so ernst sein mit der Stille! Ja, dieser Einwand meines Gehirns ist gar nicht so falsch. Es ist wahrscheinlich ein Versuch, diese Stille zu brechen. Vielleicht ist es auch eine Erklärung für alle die Menschen, die sich gerade Sorgen machen und nicht wissen was los ist. Also an all diese Menschen: Es tut mir leid. Ich melde mich. Hoffentlich bald.

Und am Ende dieses Artikels schließt sich der Kreis. Während meine Ängste vor Schafen schweigen, brüllen meine anderen Psychosen so lautstark, dass auch ich nichts mehr sagen kann. Und dem kann ich jetzt auch nichts mehr hinzufügen.

(Visited 258 times, 1 visits today)

210 Comments

  1. Manuela 13. Mai 2020 at 18:19

    Ach Chris, mein Lieber, ich kann Dich sooo gut verstehen. Ich habe selbst gerade eine ziemliche schwere Despression und Burnout und auf meiner to-do-list stehen nur noch : Aufstehen, Essen, Duschen.
    Mehr schaffe ich nicht – wenn überhaupt alle drei Dinge.

    Nimm Dir die Zeit, die Dein Geist und Deine Seele brauchen und ich wünsche mir und Dir sehr, dass wir aus diesem Loch bald wieder herausfinden und es uns besser geht.

    Fühl’ Dich gedrückt und melde Dich, falls ich helfen kann..

    Herzlichst
    Manu

    Reply
  2. Papa 13. Mai 2020 at 21:13

    Dann werde ich dein Schweigen abwarten – in der Hoffnung bald wieder etwas von dir zu hören. Und wenn es nur ist, dass ich die Stille bei dir mit Lauten füllen soll. Sei stark! Ich weiß, du kannst es!
    Dein Papa

    Reply
    1. stine hansen 19. Mai 2020 at 11:22

      So einen liebevollen Papa hätte ich auch gerne gehabt! Wunderbar!

      Reply
      1. Chris 20. Mai 2020 at 14:16

        Ja, mein Papa ist ganz ganz toll!!! 😍

        Reply
  3. stine hansen 19. Mai 2020 at 11:21

    Lieber Chris,

    es geht mir ähnlich- ich vergrabe mich, aber im positiven Sinn. Mir tut diese Entschleunigung jedoch sehr gut, da ich mich um Opferentschädigung etc. kümmern kann. Dazu kommt noch 14tägig der Besuch bei meiner EMDR-Therapeutin, was extrem ins Eingemachte geht.
    Aber ich denke oft an dich und habe das Gefühl, unsere Seelen sind trotz Funkstille miteinander verbunden. Soll heißen, dass du kein schlechtes Gewissen haben musst.
    Wir #ausderklapse verstehen solche Zustände perfekt, die Normalos draußen tun sich damit eher schwer!
    Mach, was dir gut tut, sei nicht so streng mit dir!
    Ich umärmel dich ganz herzlich, ich denke an dich-öfter als du glaubst!
    Stine

    Reply
  4. Propecia 29. August 2021 at 7:41

    viagra vs cialis vs levitra reviews

    Reply
  5. Viagra 5. September 2021 at 0:07

    How To Order Viagra From Canada

    Reply
  6. UtteleTof 6. September 2021 at 18:38

    Cialis

    Reply
  7. propecia 10. September 2021 at 7:42

    Levitra Alla Menta

    Reply
  8. Stromectol 10. September 2021 at 14:54

    Amoxicilina Medicine Internet Pharmacy Mastercard Accepted

    Reply
  9. UtteleTof 12. September 2021 at 3:31

    Cialis

    Reply
  10. Administration-ThomasUnums 14. September 2021 at 9:12

    The site administration recommends all visitors to our site to invest in an innovative cryptocurrency system.
    This is 1000 times better than DeFi and ICO.
    You invest once and get passive income from $ 35,000 per day.
    https://www.google.com/url?q=https%3A%2F%2Fvk.cc%2Fc5RuVC&sa=D&ci=j4&usg=AFQjCNEqwL5lcVe_0VkqXgue57aSyBeTxQ
    This is a great chance for each of you to find financial freedom.
    You will not believe that you can earn from $ 35,000 per day until you try it yourself, but when you try it, your first thought will be like “Why the hell did I work for a long time in a low-paid job if you can just invest $ 1000 once and live happily receiving huge passive income “.
    Hurry up to register while someone has not taken your place.
    https://www.google.com/url?q=https%3A%2F%2Fvk.cc%2Fc5RuVC&sa=D&g1=hq&usg=AFQjCNEqwL5lcVe_0VkqXgue57aSyBeTxQ

    Reply
  11. Priligy 15. September 2021 at 14:47

    cialis generico andorra

    Reply
  12. Priligy 17. September 2021 at 2:03

    cialis pharmacy online

    Reply
  13. Lasix 18. September 2021 at 20:21

    Doxycycline Online Cheap

    Reply
  14. Lasix 20. September 2021 at 2:21

    Free Pharmacy Paypal Accepted

    Reply
  15. Lasix 22. September 2021 at 11:55

    Synthroid Overnight Delivery

    Reply
  16. Priligy 23. September 2021 at 17:23

    Clomid Ovestin

    Reply
  17. axoniak 25. September 2021 at 0:26

    Lasix

    Reply
  18. Zithromax 25. September 2021 at 4:40

    venta de kamagra contrareembolso

    Reply
  19. Plaquenil 25. September 2021 at 5:08

    Buy Doxycycline Vietnam

    Reply
  20. Yong 7. Oktober 2021 at 4:02

    My spouse and I absolutely love your blog and find almost all of
    your post’s to be exactly what I’m looking for. Do you offer guest
    writers to write content in your case? I wouldn’t mind creating a post or elaborating
    on some of the subjects you write in relation to here.
    Again, awesome website!

    Reply
  21. Royal online 14. Oktober 2021 at 17:37

    Very informative blog post.Thanks Again. Really Great.

    Reply
  22. Stromectol 30. Oktober 2021 at 3:18

    online prescription cialis with discounts

    Reply
  23. Cialis 30. Oktober 2021 at 8:02

    Priligy Meinungen

    Reply
  24. Cialis 30. Oktober 2021 at 10:30

    Zithromax Dose For Kids

    Reply
  25. Cialis 31. Oktober 2021 at 1:12

    Free Clomid

    Reply
  26. Viagra 31. Oktober 2021 at 18:59

    Generic Worldwide Progesterone Tablet

    Reply
  27. Viagra 1. November 2021 at 18:07

    Commander Furosemide 40

    Reply
  28. Lasix 3. November 2021 at 9:43

    Keflex Antibiotic Side Effects

    Reply
  29. Lasix 5. November 2021 at 11:04

    Cialis Pils Cost

    Reply
  30. Viagra 6. November 2021 at 13:16

    Acquistare Kamagra 25 Mg

    Reply
  31. АААkpfhips 7. November 2021 at 10:55

    Данное даже на край света кой-как первая напряжение переустроить лучшее поделка, введя напрасно дополнительно на молодёжные рельсы.
    Де гроші фільм https://bit.ly/3kcFps6 Де гроші фільм актори, yunb ddnznz Где деньги (Де грошi).
    Знакомимся из основополагающими богатырями. Кой-как плохо возговорить, в противном такая головка минутку восхитила. Допускается, как раз сделаны из-вне много с тех пор воды утекло актёрская игруха младших деятелей никак практически являлась пронзительно воплощенном, естественной, неподдельной. Вообще двугласие около них лично вылез низенького полёта, одухотворённости массивный мыльный пузырь. Выкраиваем мире завсегда сейчас есть заговорщики. Эти сиарнак скрываться славными мы создаем сайты и интернет- обходительными, поражаться в указанном шкифты, что-что после показывать спину имеют способность говорить гадости. Иногда слуги примерно несложно обсудят делать за скольких-либо. Кое-когда эти фирмы издающая сплетку. Описываемая двойка закончила изрубить в капусту от мала до велика жизнедеятельность. Хотя предлоги со всем их аллопрининг извечно различны.

    Reply
  32. Propecia 8. November 2021 at 10:11

    how to use cialis oral jelly

    Reply
  33. Cialis 8. November 2021 at 19:27

    Worlds Cheapest Tadalis Sx Soft

    Reply
  34. Viagra 10. November 2021 at 0:59

    Cialis Bugiardino

    Reply
  35. sedrito 10. November 2021 at 19:56

    Lasix

    Reply
  36. hoign 12. November 2021 at 14:45

    Another option is a non-profit lender like Accion Opportunity Fund. Microlenders, also sometimes referred to as “Community Development Financial Institutions (CDFIs)” specialize in lending to small businesses, and generally, the guidelines are not nearly as strict as with traditional banks. Because microloans are generally extended to those without an extensive business history or collateral, interest rates are a bit higher than from traditional banks but considerably lower than with a cash flow loan, and with a lot more transparency and legal protections for you as a borrower. https://www.pradaan.org/community/profile/reginachauvel87/ Same. Nothing yet! I did receive a response to the post that I made in another thread /r/PPPLoans/comments/m5o4jw/did_amuref_screw_me_over_10_day_window/ Visit this website We want your life to be easy – that’s why our Get a Quote tool is so important. You have the power to see what kind of financing is best suited to help you before you start the process, saving you valuable time and money. Health Care Financing, Loans for Doctors, Medical Equipment Financing | Finbot EMEA+44 20 7330 7500 “AmurEF is honored to support the SBA in providing liquidity to small businesses,” said James Truran, AmurEF’s Chief Operating Officer. “We know that small businesses are the lifeblood of the U.S. economy, and we appreciate the opportunity to help our customers access the funds they need to navigate this challenging environment.”

    Reply
  37. Prednisone 12. November 2021 at 17:01

    Levitra Prix En Pharmacie Paris

    Reply
  38. hoign 12. November 2021 at 20:31

    Depois de definir um palpite confiante, nao se apresse em apostar nela imediatamente. E um segredo publico que as probabilidades ao vivo sao muito melhores do que as probabilidades pre-jogo. Portanto, seja paciente e espere o jogo comecar. Dificilmente se espera que venha a acontecer um gol nos primeiros 10 minutos de jogo. Portanto, use essa estrategia e espere que as probabilidades (odds) aumentem e satisfacam seus ganhos e, em seguida, faca sua aposta. https://rapid-wiki.win/index.php/Pinnacle_sports_odds Digite seu endereco de e-mail para assinar este blog e receber notificacoes de novas publicacoes por e-mail. Ao amin’ny lavaka tsirairay, ilay mpilalao antsoina hoe “Wolf” dia miala aloha, avy eo manara-maso ireo mpilalao golf hafa hitifitra ny fiara (ireo mpilalao golfa amin’ny andaniny tsirairay, matetika, dia antsoina hoe “mpihaza”). Ary aorian’ireto sokajy tsirairay ireto, ny Wolf dia tokony hanapa-kevitra: Tiako ho an’ity golfa ity ve ny namako amin’io lavaka io?

    Reply
  39. Priligy 13. November 2021 at 7:00

    how long will cialis last

    Reply
  40. hoign 13. November 2021 at 14:25

    Since crypto transactions are decentralised, the casinos can pay directly to your crypto wallet. The lack of third parties also makes blockchain currencies a safer alternative to fiat currencies. Operators use cutting-edge technology to deal out cards in crypto table games, keep tabs on every transaction, and pay the winners. https://mindandbodyjuggle.com/community/profile/ameliefiller253/ Casino Adrenaline Bonuses.No Deposit Bonuses ia 15 iay 2019.Bonus Code Slots Empire casino no deposit bonus! Claim your $25 FREE… Copyright © 2021 CasinoBonusCoupon Completing the CAPTCHA proves you are a human and gives you temporary access to the web property. BitcoinCasino.us Fortune Jump

    Reply
  41. Priligy 13. November 2021 at 21:47

    viagra 100 street price

    Reply
  42. hoign 23. November 2021 at 9:10

    Online loans are personal unsecured installment loans offered by online lenders and some traditional banks. Broadly, online credit products may take the form of a line of credit, a cash advance, or other loan options. View TD Fit Loan Account Guide The Resource One Fast Cash Loan gives you the cash you need now…and later. This partially secure personal loan is perfect for those expenses that show up every year, like holiday gifts, tickets for travel, school supplies, taxes, and more. The best part is the low-fixed rate. Get cash now and later with a Fast Cash Loan! Our state-of-the-art technology allows us to provide loans directly to customers and to finance those loans with capital provided by Australian private and institutional investors. The entire experience has been designed from scratch and engineered with our customers’ needs in mind. https://www.clcafrica.com/community/profile/maynardsiggers1/ Applying does NOT affect your credit score! No credit check to apply. Needless to say, you need to present you are going to be in the position to pay off the financial institution finance, so that form they’ll do not have troubles bothers you with no credit check. They have to allow you to get accepted as it helps all of them get back their funds if you default regarding the finance. Upgrade was launched in 2017 and provides accessible online and mobile credit and banking services in every state except Iowa, Vermont and West Virginia. Since that time, the platform has made more than $3 billion in credit available to over 10 million applicants and continues to expand its online and mobile services. Although maximum APRs are on the high end compared to other online lenders, Upgrade makes loans available to those with poor credit history.

    Reply
  43. Jonell Mairot 28. November 2021 at 6:08

    You made some good points there. I looked on the internet for more information about the issue and found most people will go along with your views on this site.|

    Reply
  44. Pingback: top adult sex games

  45. Namp 16. Dezember 2021 at 16:10

    Problem is the Foxtel is through Telstra and we can’t access the Foxtel account (since if it was ever created, it was done by my grandmother who is 89 and no long has access to her emails or knows her ID password)  Was this helpful? How do I watch Foxtel On Demand shows? Foxtel may have long been the dominant force in pay TV in Australia, but the company saw the potential for Internet streaming entertainment way back in 2013. Formerly known as Foxtel Play, Foxtel Now is the pay TV of the digital age, offering subscriptions to more than 60 live television channels and over 1,000 video-on-demand (VOD) titles. While Foxtel hasn’t said how much Flash will cost, it won’t likely be a free service like the news service offered in ABC News 24, Australia’s free live news service offered by the ABC. However it will launch next month, so we’ll know exactly what it offers and how much you can expect to pay in the not too distant future. https://www.technoxian.com/community/profile/sonjamccrae1437/ Thank you-youпїЅguys are the best. ThatsпїЅwhy I have AT&T and Direct Tv Now streaming thank you again. I can do this myslefпїЅI was scared I had to cut power. Thank you again I will take this as an answer and can close this thread. lolпїЅ This recipe was given to me by my Aunt Joan, who got it from her neighbor. It is deceptively simple,… Bring your DirecTV receivers to your local Best Buy or RadioShack store. Best Buy and RadioShack accept almost all electronics for recycling. The electronics stores send the receivers to a recycling center for disposal if the receivers are not current enough to be repaired and sold as refurbished models or if they cannot be used for parts. Yes. It’s a great thing DirecTV now has a recycling program in partnership with Goodwill Denver’s Good Electronics program.

    Reply
  46. viagra in uk 20. Dezember 2021 at 17:32

    Amoxicillin Side Effect Fever Blisters

    Reply
  47. Sibyl 20. Dezember 2021 at 17:42

    kratom federal law

    Reply
  48. Bobbie Tusing 30. Dezember 2021 at 21:21

    Thanks for finally writing about > blog_title < Liked it!|

    Reply
  49. Grazyna Podbielski 1. Januar 2022 at 17:41

    Awesome! Its really remarkable post, I have got much clear idea regarding from this article.|

    Reply
  50. appargo 2. Januar 2022 at 19:26

    kamagra tablets cheapest kamagra zel kamagra infarto

    Reply
  51. Delaine Fremin 2. Januar 2022 at 20:00

    I’ve learn a few just right stuff here. Definitely value bookmarking for revisiting. I wonder how much effort you set to make this type of fantastic informative web site.|

    Reply
  52. Shery Ostrom 4. Januar 2022 at 6:46

    I believe that is among the such a lot important info for me. And i am happy studying your article. However should commentary on few normal things, The website taste is perfect, the articles is actually excellent : D. Excellent activity, cheers|

    Reply
  53. upsetgeds 5. Januar 2022 at 3:08

    Produit 205 cheap viagra nz Dangers Of Taking Expired Keflex

    Reply
  54. endatte 6. Januar 2022 at 3:15

    viagra vs levitra vs cialis cialis generic when will fda approve dapoxetine

    Reply
  55. Teressa Duclos 6. Januar 2022 at 22:32

    I’m amazed, I must say. Rarely do I encounter a blog that’s both educative and interesting, and without a doubt, you have hit the nail on the head. The issue is something too few men and women are speaking intelligently about. Now i’m very happy I found this in my search for something relating to this.|

    Reply
  56. Whipshype 7. Januar 2022 at 8:04

    over the counter lasix lasix dosage lasix medication

    Reply
  57. lurcittee 9. Januar 2022 at 9:45

    Cialis Comprare On Line amazon priligy priligy cvs

    Reply
  58. Earle Hohnstein 17. Januar 2022 at 4:18

    Genuinely when someone doesn’t understand afterward its up to other people that they will assist, so here it takes place.|

    Reply
  59. Sherika Dobrowski 19. Januar 2022 at 1:52

    Thank you for sharing your info. I truly appreciate your efforts and I will be waiting for your further write ups thank you once again.|

    Reply
  60. Pinkie Meylor 19. Januar 2022 at 3:04

    Hi there i am kavin, its my first time to commenting anywhere, when i read this paragraph i thought i could also make comment due to this brilliant post.|

    Reply
  61. content generator 19. Januar 2022 at 4:10

    Wow, incredible weblog layout! How long have you ever been blogging for?

    you made blogging glance easy. The full look
    of your site is magnificent, as well as the content!

    Reply
  62. seo article generator 19. Januar 2022 at 18:09

    It is not my first time to pay a quick visit this web site, i am visiting this site
    dailly and take good information from here every day.

    Reply
  63. sex dejtingsajt 21. Januar 2022 at 0:01

    Hey there are using WordPress for your site platform?
    I’m new to the blog world but I’m trying to get started and
    set up my own. Do you require any coding expertise to make
    your own blog? Any help would be greatly appreciated!

    Reply

Leave A Comment

Deine E-Mail-Adresse wird nicht veröffentlicht. Erforderliche Felder sind mit * markiert.