Kommt es mir so vor oder schrumpft meine Wohnung?

Kennt ihr diesen Effekt, dass man sich an die eigene Kindheit erinnert und alles war irgendwie so groß? Und dann, als Erwachsener erkennt man die wirkliche Größe der Dinge? Nun, scheinbar gibt es eine Stufe mehr dabei: Wenn man sich nicht mehr so gut bewegen kann und viel mehr Zeit in den eigenen vier Wänden verbringt, einem alleine der Gedanke daran, das Haus zu verlassen, Angst macht – genau dann wird alles erneut kleiner. Die Wände rücken gerade auf mich zu. Mein Zuhause entwickelt sich plötzlich immer mehr zu einer Art Gefängnis. Nicht, dass es hier nicht schön wäre – und ich muss mich bei meinem Sofa dafür bedanken, dass es mich immer so schön auffängt, wenn mal wieder gar nichts geht – und doch will ich hier raus.

Ein Grund mehr, warum ich mich auf meinen Rollstuhl freue. Jetzt, da mein Probestuhl nicht mehr da ist und ich warten muss, bis ich den richtigen – meinen Stuhl – bekomme, wird mir bewusster, wie klein mein Bewegungsradius geworden ist. Wenn die kleine Strecke durch einen Supermarkt zu einer unüberwindlichen Hürde wird, die 150 Meter zu meinem Hausarzt eine Qual sind oder die zwei Stockwerke, die ich zu überwinden habe, bis ich die Freiheit erreiche, immer höher und höher werden. Je behinderter ich werde, umso mehr Zeit möchte ich draußen verbringen. Mal durch eine Stadt bummeln, Freunde treffen, essengehen oder einfach nur die Wohnung verlassen.

Plötzlich, auch wenn ich erst 39 Jahre alt bin, wird mir bewusst, wie sich alte Menschen im Pflegeheim fühlen. Ich kann mir plötzlich vorstellen, was in ihnen vorgeht, wenn sie still in einer Ecke sitzen und scheinbar nichts weiteres tun, als die Wand anzustarren. Sie blicken raus, versuchen die Wand nicht mehr zu sehen und befinden sich gar nicht mehr in den einengenden Wänden, die sie jeden Tag ihres Lebens fast schon körperlich spüren. Sie blicken durch den Beton, die Ziegel und die Tapeten hinaus in eine andere Welt, eine freiere, eine mobilere. Und mit diesen Worten kehre ich zurück zu meiner eigenen Ecke und starre sie an – bis ich nicht mehr hier bin, sondern unter der strahlenden Sonne an einem schönen Ort.

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